My Very First Blog

This morning I awoke to the same nightmare that continues to haunt me day in and day out! I'm buried, buried alive. Not in dirt, or quicksand...but dishes, dirty dishes. And laundry, piles and piles of dirty, bile laundry. I'm sinking in it, suffocating...grasping for something stable to pull me from the mess.
And this folks, is not just my nightmare...it is my reality. Both physically and metaphorically...this is the Messy Mommy Mind of Mel!!

Enter, if you dare. This is a world where no matter how much you wash, there is always more, and more...and still, more dirty dishes and laundry right where the last load came from!

A never ending cycle of filth! My hands may shrivel like prunes, then dry like a desert... but still, more to wash! (sigh)
If this doesn't stress you out, how about three screaming children in the background. One wants a bottle, one needs a diaper change and the other wants you to read a story. How about the one of Happily Ever NEVER!?!

"Just what the hell were you expecting?" I ask myself, puzzled!
Did I honestly think that the American Dream would be anything else, but a dream come true!? Was I thinking at all!?

Then I begin to feel the MG!! That's right, the 'Mommy Guilt!' As if the misery weren't enough, let's top it off with a big ol' stinky load of Mommy Guilt!
The worst kind of guilt, for sure...in fact...I would even go as far as to say you have not experienced guilt until you've experienced that which is Mommy Guilt...that's right, I capitalized it!

My head filled with questions like: "what is wrong with me?!" "Am I depressed?" "Is it too late to call it 'Postpartum?'" "Do I need meds?" "Why am I the only mom in America who sucks at her job!?" and finally "Am I a bad Mom?!" I ask myself?!

Then, I look down at their little faces...so sweet..and innocent. Trusting and forgiving. And I think... I wouldn't change a thing!

That's right! I LOVE MY MESS! :) It's mine...and I love it! Still there are moments, where I honestly think I hate my life...that life would somehow be better if I weren't challenged and taxed to such extremes.
There are days where I yearn for the good ol' days of not getting out of bed all day. Or going out dancing all night!
Heck, I'd settle for taking a crap or a shower...all by myself!
It's the little things I relish now! The little things, that keep me going!

I'm thinking this blog, this space to rant it as I see it...will quickly become a 'little thing' of relief for me as well! We'll see, I guess...stay tuned.